remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
