for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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