It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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