And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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