she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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