We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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