yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
