So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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