We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
