you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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