You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
True strength comes from lack of pants
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
