i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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