I have demons in me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
