I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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