I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
