I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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