i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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