I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
