you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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