If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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