it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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