Jerry, you need to find god
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
