I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
