last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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