Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
