That's when you crack a 10am beer
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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