so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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