wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
