I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
