I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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