My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
