From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
