Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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