did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize