And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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