haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
