saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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