$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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