We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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