can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
