Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
