I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize