I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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