i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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