Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
