Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
