I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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