Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
