Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How naked do you want me to be?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
