Cold hands, warm shart.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
