Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize