it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
