I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
