so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
