I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
