I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
