if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
