I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
