There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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