If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
