so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
