Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
