Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
