READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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