Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am available for nakedness
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
