youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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