hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
