Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
