After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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