Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
