Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
