I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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