My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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