Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
