every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
