probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
