i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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