I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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