I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have aggressive nipples.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
