I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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