Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Soap is not a condiment
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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