So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
